Third Culture Kids: Growing Up Among Worlds Read online

  Praise for Third Culture Kids

  “As an adult TCK, I have long wrestled with how I fit into this world. This book is the ‘bible’ for anyone who wants to understand the blessings and the curses of growing up multiculturally.”

  —Wm Paul Young, author of the #1 New York Times Best Seller The Shack

  “Growing up as a TCK has been a gift and has significantly shaped my life and work. As I interact with world leaders one day and with those living in refugee camps the next, I continually draw upon my experience of living among different cultures. I am delighted to see the lessons learned from the traditional TCK experience live on in this new edition of Third Culture Kids.”

  —Scott Gration, Maj Gen, USAF (Ret), President Obama’s Special Envoy to Sudan “

  I called the first edition of Third Culture Kids ‘absolutely brilliant.’ This revised edition continues to earn that acclaim. It’s a powerhouse of a book through which readers growing up ‘among worlds’—and their parents and the professionals responsible for their care and teaching—become able to take leadership of the challenges and opportunities presented by such a rich and complex childhood.”

  —Barbara F. Schaetti, Ph.D., Transition Dynamics, second-generation

  dual-national Adult TCK and lead author of Making a World of Difference.

  Personal Leadership: A Methodology of Two Principles and Six Practices“

  Because Third Culture Kids have been exposed to other cultures in significant ways and have experienced multiple transitions while growing up, it is in their DNA to thrive within the pace and nature of globalization. This book is a must to understand the challenges TCKs face and the unique skills they can leverage as global leaders.”

  —Katrina Burrus, Ph.D., CEO of MKB Conseil & Coaching and

  author of Global Nomadic Leaders: How to Identify, Attract, and Retain

  “In today’s globalized and highly mobile world, the lessons to be learned from this new edition of Third Culture Kids transcend mere cultural enlightenment about a unique group of individuals growing up between worlds. This book is timelier than ever, and should be essential reading for parents anywhere in the world raising cross-cultural children.”

  —Robin Pascoe, author of Raising Global Nomads:

  Parenting Abroad in an On-Demand World

  “This revised edition of Third Culture Kids opens up the topic of cultural hybridization in new and exciting ways. By recognizing similarities between TCKs, children from bi/multicultural parentage, children of immigrants, those who live on or near borderlands, international adoptees and those forced into geographic and cultural transition through war and/or famine, the author puts her finger on one of the most interesting, complex and potentially most liberating aspects of our increasingly globalizing society. This book opens up hope for dialogue, empathy, mutual learning and ultimately the joyful acceptance of the diversity in us all.”

  —Marc Levitt, storyteller, educator, and creator of www.thirdculturestories.com

  Third Culture Kids

  Growing Up Among Worlds

  revised edition

  David C. Pollock

  Ruth E. Van Reken

  This trade edition first published by Nicholas Brealey Publishing in 2001. Revised in 2009.

  20 Park Plaza, Suite 1115A 3-5 Spafield Street, Clerkenwell

  Boston, MA 02116,USA London, EC1R 4QB, UK

  Tel: + 617-523-3801 Tel: +44-(0)-207-239-0360

  Fax: + 617-523-3708 Fax: +44-(0)-207-239-0370

  www.nicholasbrealey.com

  First published as The Third Culture Kid Experience by Intercultural Press in 1999.

  © Copyright 1999, 2001, 2009 by David C. Pollock and Ruth E. Van Reken.

  All rights reserved. No portion of this publication may be reproduced in any manner whatsoever without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews.

  Printed in the United States of America

  13 12 11 10 09 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

  Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

  Pollock, David C.

  Third culture kids : growing up among worlds / David C. Pollock, Ruth E. Van Reken. — Rev. ed.

  p. cm.

  Includes bibliographical references.

  ISBN 978-1-85788-525-5

  1. Social interaction in children—Foreign countries. 2. Social skills in children—Foreign countries. 3. Children—Travel—Foreign countries. 4. Children—Foreign countries—Attitudes. 5. Intercultural communication—Foreign countries. 6. Parents—Employment—Foreign countries. I. Van Reken, Ruth E., 1945– II. Title.

  HQ784.S56P65 2009

  303.3 ’208209—dc22

  2009024639

  For Betty Lou Pollock and David Van Reken, our lifelong partners

  and unfailing supporters throughout our journeys. And to our

  children, who have taught us so much—TCKs “ for true.”

  Contents

  Acknowledgments

  Introduction by Ruth E. Van Reken

  Part I Understanding the World of TCKs

  1 Where Is Home? Erika’s Story

  2 Who Are “Third Culture Kids”?

  3 Who Are “Cross-Cultural Kids?

  4 Why a Cross-Cultural Childhood Matters

  5 Why High Mobility Matters

  Part II The TCK Profile

  6 Benefits and Challenges

  7 Personal Characteristics

  8 Practical Skills

  9 Rootlessness and Restlessness

  10 Relational Patterns

  11 Developmental Issues

  12 Unresolved Grief

  Part III Maximizing the Benefits

  13 Building a Strong Foundation

  14 Dealing with Transition

  15 Meeting Educational Needs

  16 Enjoying the Journey

  17 Coming “Home”: Reentry

  18 How Sponsoring Organizations Can Help

  19 It’s Never Too Late

  Epilogue by Ruth E. Van Reken

  Appendices

  A Adult Third Culture Kids Survey Results

  B Comparing Third Culture Kids and Kaigai/Kikoku-Shijos

  Tribute: Remembering David C. Pollock, 1939 – 2004 by Betty Lou Pollock

  Notes

  Resources For TCKs, ATCKs, and their Families

  Index

  Acknowledgments

  WITHOUT LOIS STÜCK’S ORIGINAL ENCOURAGEMENT, transcriptions of seminar tapes, suggestions, and expert help throughout the initial creative process of this book, it would have remained only a dream. Without Professor Barbara Cambridge’s original guidance in the writing process or Professor Jon Eller’s most helpful ideas about organization, the manuscript would never have gotten back to Lois or our publishers. Thinking partner and artist Barb Knuckles has shaped this book with her ideas and art. Karen Allen, Kay Wilson, and mother Betty Frame have patiently read, corrected, and proofed this text. Anthropologist Ken Barger; friends Margie Becker, Lori Beuerman, Christine Dowdeswell, Janet Fischer, Stephanie Hock, Brenda Keck, Ann Kroeker, Erica Lipasti, Paul Pedersen, Paul Seaman, Alan Shea, Francisco West, and Elisabeth Wood; wife Betty Lou Pollock; and daughter Stephanie Van Reken Eriksen have all given most helpful suggestions while reading various drafts of the manuscript. Helen Fail’s insights into international schooling have been invaluable. The list could go on and on.

  Above all, without each TCK and ATCK who has shared his or her story with us through the years, without the honest dialogue we have witnessed among so many, there would have been no story to tell. In particul
ar, we thank the Global Nomad chapter at Valparaiso University for the time they gave to engage in dialogue specifically designed to address issues we are raising in this book. And a huge thanks to “Erika” not only for letting us use her story, but also for helping in the early stages of writing it.

  And many thanks to David Hoopes for having the vision that this is a topic whose time has come—to say nothing of his masterfully helping two people join their different thoughts and writing styles into one text. He did not have an easy job. Thanks also to Toby Frank for her further suggestions and Judy Carl-Hendrick for substantial help in the final editorial process of the first edition. Without each of them this book couldn’t have been written in the readable form we trust it now is. And now thanks to Nicholas Brealey for having the vision to make this book more available to the public, to Trish O’Hare for her original encouragement to update and expand this book, to Nicholas Brealey and Chuck Dresner for agreeing, and to Erika Heilman and Rebecca Greenberg for their.great help in the final editing process. We’ve decided it not only takes a village to raise a child, but it also takes one to birth a book. Last, but certainly not least, we thank God not only for life but for the richness of our lives. We have experienced much joy in our journeys as we have studied this topic and lived it as well.

  Introduction

  By Ruth E. Van Reken

  IN 1999, DAVID POLLOCK BEGAN THE FIRST EDITION OF THIS book with the following words: “Third culture kids (TCKs) [children who spend a significant period of their developmental years in a culture outside their parents’ passport culture(s)] are not new, and they are not few. They have been a part of the earth’s population from the earliest migrations. They are normal people with the usual struggles and pleasures of life. But because they have grown up with different experiences from those who have lived primarily in one culture, TCKs are sometimes seen as slightly strange by the people around them.” He went on to say that “since we are dealing with people, we are writing about process and progress, not a fixed entity. In the past two decades alone, dramatic changes related to the care of children and adults have occurred in the global nomad community, and undoubtedly new theories and practices will continue to evolve.”

  And that is why it is time for an update of this book. Many of those changes Dave predicted have happened or are happening. In our globalizing world, the degree of cultural complexity many now face within their families is staggering. Traditional assumptions of what it means to belong to a particular race, nationality, or ethnicity are constantly challenged by those whose identities have been formed among many cultural worlds. While diversity programs address the differences in the visible layers of culture such as race, ethnicity, and gender, the hidden diversity of those shaped in these larger arenas often goes unnoticed.

  Consider what happened during the 2008 presidential campaign in the United States. Cable TV news commentators spent endless hours struggling to define then-candidate Barack Obama’s cultural and racial identity. They seemed trapped by old definitions or categories of identity, none of which were sufficient to explain the complex intertwining of cultural worlds making up President Obama’s life story, including his experience as a TCK. Ironically, these same commentators also never seemed to consider how the global upbringing of John McCain, the opposing presidential candidate, might have shaped his sense of identity and worldview. Neither did they discuss how the many other adult TCKs President Obama named to his administration, such as Valerie Jarrett, Timothy Geithner, James L. Jones, or (Ret.) Major General J. Scott Gration, might have been impacted by their internationally mobile childhoods.

  Perhaps these attempts to define President Obama did lead to some awareness that these old categories of identity are no longer sufficient models for today’s world. A few months after the election, a school board in the Washington, D.C., area said students could check more than one category of racial identity on the admission forms. While this change seeks to recognize the growing possibility of racial mixing, it continues to miss the potential of cultural mixing also possible for those who, like TCKs, grow up in multiple spheres of cultural influence. How, then, do we begin to find language to define these changes and consider the implications of these global shifts for both individuals and society?

  Perhaps the answer is simpler than it seems. We need to keep building strong new structures on lessons learned from globally and culturally mobile families in the past so present and future generations of TCKs and others raised among a plethora of cultural worlds can continue to thrive.

  In our last e-mails before Dave’s untimely death in 2004, we talked of how, despite many changes in the world, the original TCK Profile had continued to generate the countless “a-ha!” Moments we had watched over and over again in audiences everywhere. Dave often began his seminars by saying, “I’m probably not going to tell you something that you don’t know, but I may well tell you something you don’t know you already know.” And that’s what he did. Our files were filled with letters from TCKs and their families who had read our book or attended a seminar, thanking us for giving language and understanding to an experience lived but, to that point, unnamed for them.

  We were, however, also increasingly aware of how much bigger this topic was growing. As mentioned earlier, the traditional TCK experience itself has become more complicated for many. We wondered: What is the same or different for TCKs who also happen to be part of a minority group in their passport culture? Are there differences for those who go to a new country with parents for reasons other than a career? What about bicultural or biracial TCKs? Are these increasingly complex experiences changing in some way the fundamental story of the more traditional TCK experience about which we have written?

  In addition, new insights and questions developed as we began to connect with others around the world. We met Dr. Momo Kano Podolsky, an adult TCK and sociologist in Japan, and became aware that researchers in other countries were also studying this phenomenon under different names (see appendix B). Momo made the observation that our work focused primarily on the impact of this experience on the individual, while the Japanese research also considered how reintegrating TCKs back into their culture impacted the entire society. This difference in approach not only reflected how individualistic versus collectivistic societies might look at the same circumstances, but it also raised an intriguing question: How, in fact, has the presence of TCKs and adult TCKs changed or is changing societies in the West as well as the East? Perhaps it is only now when so many world leaders, including President Obama and many in his administration, are adult TCKs in public view that the answers to this previously unconsidered question might become apparent. We can also learn lessons from the Japanese experience on how a society moves from seeing the TCK experience as a negative for its culture or the individual to recognizing the positive nature of the experience for both.

  While we saw the growing complexity for many TCKs and learned much from the larger group of people studying them, another phenomenon began as well. No matter where either of us went, people came up after seminars or wrote e-mails to say, “I am not a TCK as you talk about, but I related to nearly everything you mentioned as part of the TCK Profile. Why?” Some had grown up as immigrant children, or refugees, or in different cultural worlds in one country. Others were international adoptees or children of minorities. In our first edition, we mentioned why these types of experiences were different from the traditional TCK life we were writing about. But eventually we could not ignore the reality that something connects all of these journeys of children who grow up in a multiplicity of cultural worlds, no matter how they happen. Yet we were also presented with the very challenge our dear and special colleague, the late Norma McCaig, wrote about in her Foreword for our first edition of this book. If every person who had grown up in some form of a cross-cultural childhood could be called a TCK, as we were already beginning to do, how could anyone research either traditional TCKs or these other types of experiences?

  Althoug
h Dave died before we were able to complete our project, in our last discussions we agreed it was time to do an update and try to sort out some of these emerging matters. How would we start? We thought of two ways.

  First, we looked seriously at Norma’s injunction to find a way to look at all the experiences without confusing the research. It seemed if we created a new umbrella name for all children who grew up in any type of cross-cultural environment, we could look at what commonalities they shared and still leave room for the different details of each type of experience. In 2001 we added the term cross-cultural kid (CCK) to our lexicon to include all children who for any reason had grown up deeply interacting with two or more cultural worlds during childhood. But the challenge remained. How would we compare and contrast these many different types of experiences?

  This took us to our second step. In 1984, Dr. Ted Ward, then a sociologist at Michigan State University, predicted in a plenary talk at the International Conference for Missionary Kids (ICMK) in Manila that third culture kids were the prototype citizens of the future. In other words, a childhood lived in, among, and between various cultural worlds would one day be the norm rather than the exception. We realized from so many who told us their story that the time Dr. Ward saw had come. All sorts of CCKs were taking lessons learned from the TCK Profile and intuitively applying it to their own life story.

  We began to wonder: Could we consider the work we have done with TCKs as a petri dish of sorts? Could our research be like scientists who first isolate a particular organism to grow in a petri dish to study its interactions with various drugs and then experiment to see if what works on the agar in that petri dish will work in more complicated hosts?